persimmontart: (OMFG It's Jackie Chan!)

I've been super depressed since Friday. Dave failed his background check for KCPL, so they withdrew the job offer that he was supposed to start today. So he's going to stay on at Cenetric. Yay! More Brittany drama! I'm so excited. He can't really go looking for another job until he knows what came up on the background check, but he sent an email to the Cerner recruiter hoping to still be able to go on to the second round interviews. That was a pretty big blow... but things don't end there. No. Of course they don't...

The apartment complex is graciously giving us until the end of June to move since they didn't notify us that they wouldn't be renewing the lease. "That ship has sailed" were the words used by the complex to him. We can't find anyone that will take us because of his credit and bad rental history. No one will cosign for us. I told him we can't sign on a place unless we can pay three months rent upfront because we can never be sure if Brittany will pay or when and rent has to be paid on time. We found a guy willing to work with us, but that was when he had the KCPL job lined up and I flat refuse to get into the same mess we're already in now.

But, no, that's not all. His car was repossessed Monday. They've canceled the loan due to too much bad history, ie never keeping payments up to date. He has to a) find someone to refinance the loan with his shit credit and bad payment history or b) find another car. I'm trying to get him used to the idea of purchasing a used car outright, but he has it in his head that he can save his car or work something out. Brittany's telling him things like she'll set aside money for deposit and rent on a place and a downpayment on a new car, and it's like he doesn't understand that this is the very thing that got him in this spot in the first place. He doesn't want to live with his parents (like I want to go back to living with Andy), but I can't make him think reasonably or responsibly. Cenetric is not reliable as a source of income. Period.

I haven't showered in 4 weeks now. I just don't care. I haven't gotten out of bed since Friday anyway. I just keep taking ativan, keep sleeping, keep having nightmares. I don't much see the point in anything at the moment.

persimmontart: (OMFG It's Jackie Chan!)

I have taken tramadol, zofran, fioricet, injectable sumatriptan, pepto bismal, gas x, and dramamine in an effort just to get enough relief that I could sleep. I've gotten 16hrs sleep in the last four days. Beginning Thursday night, I started passing blood clots and have suffered from gastritis, duodenitis, and colitis -- all acute. I have tried not eating and eating both for pain/nausea relief to no avail. By sheer will of not wanting to be in the nasty ass toilet I use here*, I have kept myself from vomiting, which includes swallowing whatever has come up. And I wouldn't be able to stop vomiting if I started, I assure you. I have tried cold compresses, drinking chicken broth, barely sipping liquids to keep them down. I spent the night crying until I fell asleep because I ate a plain, baked golden potato Sat night. I have a sharp pain at my belly button that even the lightest contact takes all my energy to not scream. I have been completely unable to care for my animals and have sent Andy to the store no less than 4 times since last night alone. We weighed taking me to the ER, but there's nothing more they can do for me that I haven't already tried short of admitting me and giving me a colonoscopy to determine the source of blood clots. I have just spent the last hour and a half running back and forth from the bathroom after managing 3hrs sleep. I have to be up by 7am to get Emmett to the vet because I couldn't find anybody to help me, and it's 4:17 now. I'm so dizzy sleeping is impossible. I have asked others for further suggestions and was told by Des that she gets through this by sleeping like she's dying; I would LOVE to sleep through this and have thought about taking a sleeping pill every 8hrs. Unfortunately, I'm uninsured and out of all my routine prescription meds, so I only have melatonin right now. I've lost 3lbs with no signs of being able to eat much anytime soon. I have what's called gluten ataxia and have experienced what I can only describe as entirely forgetting how to control your own body movements. Oh, and I'm hyper-emotional because gluten impacts your brain** and makes you batshit nuts, which, in my case, is like hyper-PMS with terrible nightmares thrown in for shits and giggles. Because I have dermatitis herpetiformis, I may also develop a painful, itchy blistering rash from this.

This. And I have an exceptionally high pain tolerance. I sobbed and cried to God for help when I broke my ankle but was preparing myself to crawl AND WALK ON IT*** before my neighbor found me and called the ambulance... just so I could get inside and take some fucking Tylenol. Honestly, I was so focused on getting myself under control and taking care of Lazlo that I didn't even realize he was on the phone, yet alone had called 911, until I heard him tell the dispatcher that he was a cop. They didn't even administer any analgesic to me in the ER.

And here's the kicker: what caused this reaction? I ordered Singapore mei fun from delivery Chinese Thurs night. No gluten ingredients, so something cross contaminated in the kitchen during prep. Something smaller than the smallest crumb has me crying and contemplating suicide just to make the suffering stop. Think about that a minute. And this is how EVERY contaminated reaction will be for the rest of my life. In fact, it will get progressively worse. There is no cure.

*discovered the OUTSIDE of the bowl is molding with this and flat refused to lift the seat and have my head anywhere near that bowl. I'm really hating living with the male species

** Obviously. Migraine!

*** granted, I 100% believed it was a grade 3 sprain and I just needed to rest it, get some analgesic in me, and go see the doctor when the pain receded, which, ironically, was the same reaction I had when I broke my back. I almost smiled, chuckled, and corrected the cop and EMTs when they were looking down at me and discussing how it might be broken. Then I saw that the inside of my ankle was swollen to the size of a grapefruit... and still thought it was just a sprain. I was completely shocked when I was told it was broken; I told them they must be mistaken until they handed me a copy of the x-ray and was subsequently informed that I might need surgery. If my cries hadn't been heard by my neighbor, I would definitely have needed surgery too.

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Lil Miss McGillicutty

June 2016

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